First up, an apology. Emmanuel Boateng – who will likely never see this – we throw ourselves at your mercy. You did everything that you could. The parallels are all there and you trump our winner in every category. But like that carefully placed adjective’s namesake, we don’t care for facts. It doesn’t matter that you scored two instead of one. Nor that your side (Moreirense) overcame their much vaunted opponents (Benfica) to actually reach the Portuguese League cup final rather than fall at the last hurdle. Not even the fact that Man United and Mourinho would have probably spawned their way to a penalty victory anyway rendering the whole effort fruitless makes this any less harder for us. We know you deserve this Emmanuel. But we can’t. What we can do is show your goals to everyone and praise you from the rafters, which we will now.
Now that all that sincerity is out of the way, on to the actual award and what a rise to the top this has been. From being someone that nobody had ever heard of because didn’t play in England, Spain, Germany or Italy (and even most of that is a stretch to be fair. Messi? Needs to cut it against Stoke mate. Shawcross all day long) right the way to sitting on the bench and generally being a figure of fun for Everton. Well, fun for everyone aside from Everton fans. Some of whom are now ruing the fact that they got rid (they’re not, but some websites will say they are for the #bantz). Amazing what one good game will do. Hull may not have Wembley to look forward to but there’s a much bigger battle on their hands. Stay up and make Paul Merson spontaneously combust. We’re with you Marco Silva and Oumar Niasse. Godspeed.